Monday, January 31, 2011

Funny Email: 1st Tine Sex....Thanks Mary

1st Time Sex:

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.


At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.


That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent’s house and meets his girlfriend at the door.

"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"


The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."


The boy turns, and whispers back,

"I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Friday, January 28, 2011

Funny Email...Thankyou Gailsie

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel ,
Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to
the Promised Land.

   Nearly 75 years ago,(when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said,
Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the
Promised Land.

   Today, Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the
price of camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!

   I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the
economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds,
etc . . . I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English.  I was
connected to a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal.

   They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck ...

Monday, January 24, 2011

UCLA Study

It's been around but I received this from  Jimmy at The Barnacle and it always makes me laugh...

A study worth sharing with friends both male and female:

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest with a bat up his ass while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected on this subject

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Funny EMAL and a winter Pic

The Funny Email:

I just got off the phone with friend living in
North Dakota near the Canadian border.

He said that since early this morning the
snow has been nearly waist high and is
still falling.

The temperature is dropping way below
zero and the north wind is increasing to
near gale force.

His wife has done nothing but look through
the kitchen window and just stare.

He says that if it gets much worse,
he may have to let her in.

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Give The Guy A Ticket !!

Yesterday after my morning shower I headed to the kitchen for much needed coffee. I switched the news on to get a weather update and the story making the news was a New Hampshire guy that got a ticket for speeding while he was hurrying to the hospital with his wife in's the story.

So this guy, speeding a 100+ MPH, to get his wife to the hospital deserves the ticket. He not only wasn't in a good frame of mind to be driving that fast, he put his entire family and others at risk...but there's more...

Again this morning he was on the news because I guess it wasn't big enough news day for anything else. The news station is polling people to see what the public thinks about this non story, 53% agreed with me but really I don't even want this information!

I just wanted to find out who won Mega Millions, sadly it wasn't me.

So to make matters worse, This guy , his wife and I can only presume, the newborn babe, will be on Good Morning America tomorrow.

What's next? A reality show for expectant parents speeding to the delivery??

I wonder if I was driving and I reallllllly needed to go to the bathroom and I drove 100+ MPH to get to the next rest stop, if I could get on the news....

HEADLINE, Ticketed for Speeding, Masssachusetts man says "I HAD TO PEE!!"