Friday, August 31, 2007

Asshole Evidence

I was driving out of Boston today and it was slow going. Everyone was making a bee line to their vacation spots on this last summer 3 day-weekend getaway . It's Labor day here in the USA and for most kids it's back to school next week.

While sitting in midst of the traffic that is produced by this need to get away I plotted my route to avoid delays wherever possible. I felt that if I headed home , to Lynn, that no one would be headed there for the last days of their summer. That old saying Lynn, Lynn the City of Sin is better at keeping people away from here than it is drawing them in.

Little do "they" know there is far less sin in Lynn than there used to be...those Vacant buildings in the City Center are becoming condos. The Train makes Lynn a convenient 15 minute ride into Boston. Little do "they" know and few if any of "them" read this blog...So don't tell anyone that Lynn, Ma, the Home Of Marshmallow Fluff, will soon be a desirable city to live in.

Because when "they" move here it won't ever be the same.

Who are "They" ?

They are those people who have exhibited clear evidence of being Assholes! There I said it. No better place to find this evidence than while driving out of Boston, Ma on a busy Holiday Weekend.

There are assholes everywhere!!

They are easy to spot.

They ride your bumper so close you can see their crazy eyes in your rear-view mirror

When they approach a green light they hit their breaks as if they are trying to determine the shade of green in the light. Meanwhile, they have caused a chain reaction causing others to hit their breaks and then ultimately they get through the light. I don't make the light because of, his, indecision, I am stopped at the light watching him drive away to cause further problems down the road....He clearly is an asshole.

When traveling a road that is going from 2 lanes down to one, anyone speeding by in the lane that is being cut down so they can cut in front of the line of traffic is an asshole....There are no exceptions to this rule. They let you know this, the lane merge, is happening with signs a mile before you get there!! Merge early and there would be no delays further down the road...Why can't we all just get along!!

Why are there so many Assholes.

More evidence..

Assholes don't use blinkers!!

They honk their horns with aggravating frequency.

Has anyone out there got any Asshole Evidence to share, I could go on and on but I am finally home and it's time for a Corona...

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Weather Personalities...Let's Fire Them!!

It's hot here today, about 95 degrees Fahrenheit or for the rest of the world 35 Celsius. Let's not forget the 51% humidity, it feels like you could cut the air with a knife. Enough of my complaining though, the Air Conditioner is on downstairs and I'll go down there when I'm done sweating over this post. Of course, I also have help from a cold bottle of Corona Beer.....

While it's hot,

it's nothing like Florida where people are dying because of the heat. We've had our share of rain but at least we aren't being flooded like so many in Texas, Wisconsin, Ohio...heck it seems like everywhere except the North East some kind of really bad weather event happens every year. We did have some flooding in this area late last year, but nothing compared to what happens elsewhere.

Which brings me to my point..,T.V. Weather People. A recap on the weather channel of historic storms might be informative, but why the hell do we send some nitwit with a microphone down to the oceans edge to report the weather during a hurricane?? Shouldn't they be making their way to higher ground.

I saw a woman on MSNBC standing in flood waters with a microphone wearing matching pink rubber boots and a pink sweater, I was gratified to see her so well put together in the midst of this destructive flood in Ohio. She was filmed waving at people who were being evacuated from the area....they were not nearly as well dressed.

I don't see where TV can really help anyway..A good ol battery powered radio and a static ridden voice telling you "Evacuate Essex County because if you don't get out within the next 5 hours you may DIE" is a much more convincing news statement than some Pink Booted Weather Girl standing in a puddle....I think David Lettermen started his career as a weatherman...that was before we called them meteorologists.

They show up at all the storms so that they can bring the pain and misery of others to your family room, but no-one asks the real question.....

"Sir, why did you build your house so close to the river????"

Honestly between the Talking Head weather "Personality" and the guy whose house gets flooded every couple years I don't know which one gets me more irritated.

I mean we have a few around here that do this too..They build a house so close to the ocean that when a winter storm comes along it washes part of the land away from their house. Sometimes it exposes their foundation or the damn thing just gets carried away in pieces. We see them interview the unlucky slobs but really, we know that the ocean kicks it up a notch during storms. What were they thinking in the first place??

Build where there is a rock bed not on the sand!! Haven't they ever built a sand castle before. If you go to the beach the next day your sand castle is usually gone because the tide comes in, even more during a storm. DUH!!

But all this weather reporting can really sell stuff. If there is the slightest chance a hurricane is coming toward Massachusetts we are going to have Special Weather Updates and hours and hours of extra weather news.

And they smile,

The Weather People that is, having bad weather even close by makes their day. They get to tell us unendingly about what "might happen" We learn new weather terminology and see a buffed up and enlarged weather staff. They will even have commercials telling us little snippets of the bad weather to come..urging us to watch more later....if it was serious shouldn't they just tell us right then and there??

I remember a vacation several years ago when a hurricane was making its way up the east coast. I was on Cape Cod in a swanky resort. The entire week all that was on the TV was news about the STORM. The resort closed down and instead of leaving that Sunday we had to pack up and leave on Saturday. It barely rained and we had a little wind, oh and I lost a day of vacation to Weather Hype.

Yeah, not a bad job though. I mean where else can you be wrong on a regular basis and still have a job the next day. Screw Painting...I am gonna be a Weatherman and here is my forecast:

It's hot, it's gonna be hot for the rest of the might rain tonight so button up your skylights before you go to bed...oh and let me read the same thing you could read on the Internet whenever you want and not have to deal with TV Weather People.........

Join with me and call for an end to TV Weather People except for the cute ones !!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Where are they now??

Have you ever visited a blog and found it hadn't been updated in months?
The last post was sometime in April and the blogger's last post was something like

Weekend Plan - April 20, 2007

"On Saturday I'm gonna go get Jill and we're gonna go for a walk up the Hill ..Hope everyone has a great weekend" Jack (-:

And then nothing. You happen to stumble upon the blog in August and there's no report back, No Jack, No Jill!

They have disappeared into the void and you'll never know what happened. But hey we can make up stories of what might have...

Maybe Jack went to pick up Jill for the walk up the hill and found her with another man? Jack, might have beat the crap out of the guy and then got arrested and put in jail....

Maybe he got hit by a car on his way to get Jill and he's still recovering from his injuries...

Maybe Jill shot Jack because he was cheating on her?

Or they were both killed by a pack of angry wolves while trying to get a drink of water after climbing the hill..

Possibly they were victims of a simple alien abduction??

Whatever the reason it seems clear that these people will not be back anytime soon but it begs the question...What happens to your blog if you die?

Should we be putting passwords in our wills so that someone somewhere can shut the blog down or say farewell to the readers?

Should we be writing out last post now with instruction on how to post it?

This post is filled with questions and damn it I want some answers?

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Women's Clothing

Yesterday Mom had to go into Kohl's, a local department store, because she had a 30% discount coupon she wanted to look around and see if there were any good deals.

On our way to Women's clothing we had to walk through the lingerie section which can be somewhat interesting. I noticed a display and the name brand was "Barely There" and a picture popped into my head...hmmmm....nice! But I was with Mom and I kept charging along with her toward the Women's Clothing. It was there where I found out Mom was a sign reader too...

She pointed up at the wall display and the name brand was "Sag Harbor" Now I don't know what picture would come into your mind standing in the middle of the Women's Department, but for me the picture wasn't pretty!

Why would anyone manufacturing Women's clothing come up with a name brand like "Sag Harbor?? Maybe they will start a Men's clothing line of "Beer Belly Shirts" or "Whopper Wear"!!

Well, Mom and I had a laugh over Sag Harbor and she didn't find anything she liked. We started to make our way out and I noticed another sign for Women's Clothing, a designer named "Alfred Dunner"... I pointed to the sign and:

I said, "Hey Ma, read that sign out loud"

She read "Alfred Dunner"

I said " So, Alfred has done-her, you think anyone else will do her wearing something like that??

Mom hit me on the back of the head and said I was crude, she was smiling though.

Now I am going to have to call the Department Of Social Services!!

Parents are not supposed to hit their kids!!

Friday, August 17, 2007

Fergus Frater, What were you thinking??

If you haven't heard the story, Fergus Frater is a 46 year old from the town of Littlehampton, West Sussex in England. He claimed that he won the 35.4 Million Euro Millions Lottery but in fact hadn't won a thing. He got his picture in the local paper, standing beside him was his son and his sister. He'd promised them both a nice share of the money.

He is nowhere to be found now and you have to wonder...What was he thinking?? Did he have one too many pints and just misread the ticket?? Was it a harmless prank that he concocted and then just boiled out of control?/ Whatever the reason, Fergus won't be very popular for a bit as one of the duped was quoted :

"I could kill him ... but he's gone to ground and I've no idea where he is."

Now Gerry Kelly the real winner, a postal worker, is even a bigger surprise, She's giving her ex some of the money!! They have been apart for 8 years!!

Well I know I am not lucky enough to think my ex will ever give me a chunk of the money if she wins the lottery here in the good ol' USA so I am getting some more of my own tickets for tonight's 140 Million dollar jackpot.

Let me say this if I am the sole winner of tonight's Mega-Millions drawing...I will send anyone leaving a comment here before Midnight EST Aug 18, 2007 ! Thousand dollars and an invite to my celebratory bash. At the bash there will be some great door prizes.....

Wish Me Luck!!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Good News Bad News and More Good News

Bad News First, I did not have a winning Mega Millions Ticket !

Good News...No One Else did either and now the Pot is up to 140 MILLION dollars.!!

That means I'll take another chance on Friday...I've gotta a good feeling about Friday.

More Good news, Red Sox Won and Yankees Lost...EVEN Better, while I didn't get any winning lottery tickets yesterday I did score a couple of great tickets yesterday..

Red Sox Tickets for today's Afternoon Game at 1 PM EST

DICE-K is Pitching!!

I'll be behind the catcher, sort of...very nice seats and they were FREE

So I did win something yesterday!!

Monday, August 06, 2007

Translate English to Jive, Redneck or Cockney

Have you ever wanted to write with a Cockney dialect ?

Have yer ever wanted ter write wiv a Cockney dialect ?

Maybe you would like to write a little like a Red Neck...

Mebbe yer hankerin' t'soun' a li'l like a redneck..

Well now you can convert English text, even your entire web page using the Dialectizer!

You can write a great post in your own words and then just have it translated into Redneck. You could tell everyone your Cousin Effrim from West Virginia is writing a guest post!!

So try the Dialectizer, it's free, and if you are going to leave me a comment about it, tranlate it first. You can get Pig Latin, sound like a moron or a Swedish Chef.

Come on! Have some fun and if your surfing on Blog Explosion...give it a little more than 30 seconds people!!

In Pig Latin: Omecay onyay! Avehay omesay unfay andyay ifyay youray urfingsay onyay Ogblay Explosionyay...ivegay ityay ayay ittlelay oremay anthay 30 econdssay eoplepay!!

In Jive: Come on! Right on! Gots some fun and if yo' surfin' on Blog Explosion. 'S coo', bro...cut it some little mo'e dan 30 seconds sucka's! Preach it loud, bruddah!

Thursday, August 02, 2007

I-35 Bridge Collapse in Minneapolis

This video has no sound, words are not needed to know this is a tragedy. Coming home from a day at work..those that died, injured and the families who have lost their loved ones all deserve our thoughts and prayers..