An Irishmen had a bit too much to drink and was driving home from the pub when a policeman pulled him over...
"So" says the cop to the driver, "Where are you coming from?"
"Why, I've just come from the pub!" Slurs the driver.
"Well," the cop says, "Looks like you have had quite a few drinks."
"I did all right!!" the drunken irishman said with a smile.
"Did you know" The cop says; standing straight and crossing his arms across his chest, "that your wife fell out of the car a few blocks back."
"OH!, Than Heavens" says the drunk, "I thought I was goin deaf!!"
and another..
Six retired Irismen are playing poker in Jimmy O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Flanagan loses $500 in one hand, he stands, clutches his chest and then drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen friend, the other five men continue playing standing up.
Michael O'Connor looks around and says, "Well boys someone is going to have to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be??"
They drew straws and Billy Donnelly picked the short one. The men told him to be discreet.
"Discreet, I am the most discreet Irishman you will ever meet" "Just leave it to me, discretion is my middle name."
Donnelly goes over to Flanagan's house and knocks on the door and Mrs Flanagan answers and asks what he wants.
Donnelly tells her, "Paddy just lost $500 dollars in a poker game and is afraid to come home."
Mrs. Flanagan's face flushed red with anger and said " You tell him to drop dead!!"
"I'll go tell him." Donnelly said.
