3 Day Weekend and The Zipper

It was a nice holiday weekend! Lots of good food and of course when the family gets together we end up sitting around the table playing cards or Dominoes. I dominated the play with my superior intellect and my ability to "get inside" my opponents heads and annoy the crap out of them. Muhahahah ...

Since I worked my brain so hard over the weekend I really didn't have a good post just sitting here ready to go so I'm gonna fall back on another Joke I received from my friend Gail in Tanzania..She's Back by from her work at the orphanages there but will be headed back in July for another 8 months. I will be helping her to set up a blog of her own where she can relate some of her experiences there. and her plans for the future!! Now the Joke:

The Zipper

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."

Hurry, Beep Beep

I've been thinking about what to write next, it's not writers block or anything but my "muse" has been ill so I've had to do all the thinking. I'd seen this sign the other day, pictured above.
Sorry about that pole being in the way, but while I was trying to get a shot of the sign itself there was this van behind us that, just couldn't wait. He started beeping his horn at us so we scooted around the corner.

As we sped around the corner I put the camera out the window and took a wild shot at the sign:

Here....

Now my original idea was that this "Vinnin Square" Strip mall was a sign of the times. I never knew I'd get an assist from the van behind us, yes the guy that was beeping at us. Anyway I thought..look at the stores here, you can get tanned, because there isn't enough time to get to the beach. You can go work out at 1,2,3, Fit and just like that you're buff...stop and Starbucks and get your caffeine injection and speed over to rent a movie at Blockbuster, it's too time-consuming go to a theater anymore.

The idea was that everyone seems to be in a major hurry!! Especially it seems the Russian dude behind us.

It so happens that he pulled in the same parking lot we did and came over to the car spouting off, saying "If want to take my picture go ahead, take it!!!"

I said I "wasn't interested but that maybe we could make an appointment some other time." If I was doing a post on Broken English" or Old angry Russians but that I was simply trying to get a picture of the sign on the corner and because he was in such a hurry to get 100 yards down the road we turned the corner when he beeped."

"You want I give you my card?" he asked, apparently not understanding a word I said. I looked at the empty van that he was driving. It was a shuttle service for Handicapped people.

"No " I said, " I know I'm limping and all but I can still get around on my own."

I felt sorry for his customers, I imagine they don't get around corners very fast either. I walked away from him and went about my business. What's the frigging rush though? Fast movies, fast fitness, fast tan and caffeine!! On top of that,a raging Russian driving a handicapped shuttle!!

What's the world coming to???

Hurry up, comment11 I have to get to Bed, Bath and Beyond and, and I just don't think there will be enough time!!!

Generation O

We've had the G.I. Generation, the Beatniks, the Hippies, The Yuppies, Generation X or the Me Generation and their rivals the Y's. I think it could be said we're in the midst of the Over Generation or if you like Generation O. So who are the Overs?

We have an abundance of Over Exposure thanks to our numerous forms of media. The days when Raymond Burr or Rock Hudson could live and work in Hollywood making movies or films television shows without the the general public knowing they were gay is long dead. Now we are informed immediately when someone like Britney Spears forgets to wear underwear or when Alec Baldwin leaves a frightful message on his daughters cell phone. We're right there to hear that Pamela Anderson has Hepatitis and who she's having sex with....I don't care but we , the public, are Overwhelmed with information that has no relevance to our daily lives.

Overdone: We can blame Television Programming for churning out one Reality Show after another, Big Brother, Survivor, The Bachelor or Bachelorette, The Biggest Loser, The Amazing Race, Wife Swap...it just goes on and on and I'll tell you the truth all I have to do is look in my wallet for a good dose of reality. When I watch TV I'd rather go on a three hour tour, marry a witch..ooh I did that, or maybe find a Genie in a bottle. Give me some fantasy any day.

Overindulged: That's easy to see just look at Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie, what a pair. Then they get their own "Reality Show" ????? Parents!! That's what OVER indulgence breeds!!

Overcompensate: Oil executives, CEO's, Professional Athletes, Entertainers all get overcompensated and what happens? Overpriced gasoline, theater tickets, movies, sporting events, concerts...The only place you can buy an affordable Hot Dog in any of those places is a gas station!! I'm never eating at a gas station, they don't serve beer. . But while prices for entertainment have gone OVER the TOP, people still pay. In Maine they would say "That's Odd" and for them that would be an OVER-statement.

And while all this is going on we are Over-Taxed !!

Have I OverLooked anything ??

Spam, What's in it?

• Chopped pork shoulder meat with ham meat added.
• Salt (for binding, flavour, and firmness)
• Water (to help in mixing)
• Sugar (for flavour)
• Sodium Nitrite (for colour and as a preservative)

That's not too bad sounding, they do identify the shoulder meat....but the meat added part, hhhhmmm I wonder.

But what's in that other spam, you know the stuff that automatically goes to my junk mail and eventually gets deleted ? I read the Email addresses from time to time and of course there's a snippet of there email in the subject. If I liked spam, today would be a good day to open up that can of worms because I could get...

a $500 gift certificate from Costco and Victoria's Secret ! Once I hook up with Shea from Intimate Dating and take her to get that $500 worth of lingerie we will book our trip to Cancun for 4 nights, courtesy of someone whose name comes up as ??/??..?? !! I think that's my friend "The Riddler"

When Shea and I get back from Mexico, we will probably contact our buddy "Gun Controll", I didn't know "Controll had 2 L's...the things you learn from spam, maybe he's British. Finally I'll contact Michael Carl for a job online...oh maybe not, I've never trusted those guys with 2 first names. But we will be certain to buy our house through Best Mortgage, I mean anyone who solicits me for a Mortgage online must be on the up and up. Finally we are both gonna sign up for that great Health Insurance that someone named Gizmo200 keeps sending me.

Yeah, and the last piece of Junk Mail/ Spam I noticed this morning was the most accurate. It was from someone named "Are You Ready" and the subject "I couldn't believe it either..." Believe me...I don't believe it!!

To the spammers out there...

I'm more likely to eat spam, and that's a stretch, I assure you I'll never read it!

To Shea over at Intimate Dating...some other time sweetums!!

Stumble It

ICE SOCKS

I was day dreaming today and an idea for an invention just popped into my head. Has this ever happened to you? I mean this is more of an innovation or improvement to what is out there already.

Take for example the lawn mower it started with a push mower, then someone added an engine and that was pretty good. Still you had to push the damn thing! So, someone added power to the wheels so you just followed it around and now you can even get them with seats and drive them around like a car. Well I didn't come up with any innovations for lawn mowers but if I did I think it would be , remote control lawn mowers..you know like the remote control cars and trucks all the kids get for their birthdays. I mean you could drink beer on the porch and just use a little hand control and direct your mower around the yard. It would be fun!

But I didn't think of that one today. No today I was sitting down, with the bad ankle..2 WEEKS now, and putting ice on it. Now ankles are tough to apply ice to by yourself. I mean you have to kinda do a sit up to get the ice bag in place and then when you sit back it's always sliding off or in the wrong spot so you find yourself trying to tie it in place with a scarf or something you bought at the drugstore that's supposed to make it easy. So there I was , sitting there when I noticed the basket of rags and orphaned socks was right on the floor next to my chair. I saw a particularly old, stretched out sock and the Idea was born!!

I pulled the loose fitting sock onto my bad foot and put a reusable ice bag over my ankle and then stretched the top of the sock down over the bag, It held the bag snugly and firmly against my sore ankle. I could even hobble to the fridge for a beer and it stayed in place!! The ICE SOCK will be HUGE! Bigger than the Pet Rock. I'll probably start selling my old stretched out orphaned socks here to boost traffic. Maybe I'll give them away as PRIZES for BEST COMMENTS.

Now I wish I had a remote for the lawn mower so I could cut the grass!!

It made me laugh

Go to VOOTE and Vote for your favorite Happy Bunny!!

Places where I've recently commented

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One Year Later

It has been a year since Toms' Hideaway burst on the scene and it has been both fun and frustrating. My first post announced that I had 3 broken ribs, my first comment was from Germany and since then I've heard from people around the world. I continue to work on content and hope to make Toms' an interesting and hopefully funny place to stop by while clicking through the blogosphere:

Apparently I made Blog of The Day on 5/11/2007 over at

Cool, thanks to all the BlogMad Members that have stopped by, remember don't just sit there!! Comment so I can come visit your blogs.

Other Awesome things that share my Blogs Birthday!!!

1858 - Minnesota is admitted as the 32nd U.S. state.

1867 - Luxembourg gains its independence.

1949 - Siam changes its name to Thailand.

2006 - A science team at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign successfully converted pig waste into crude oil.....eeeewwwww!!

Births:

1888 - Irving Berlin, American composer

1904 - Salvador Dalí, Catalan painter

1911 - Phil Silvers, American actor and comedian

1933 - Louis Farrakhan, American Black Muslim leader

1946 - Robert Jarvik, American physicist and inventor